When I started with HowToLiveWow.com, I wrote a blog post that changed my life. It made me realize more than ever that happiness and success come and go in tune with relationships with people. That’s why this post is dedicated to one of the, if not the most important relationship of all: the one with your partner.

“I want to be able to summarize my entire life in just one magical word: ‘Wow!’ The love of my life: Wow! My children: Wow! The friendships I had: Wow! The career I worked on with dedication and joy: Wow! The things I learned and passed on in life: Wow! The most beautiful spots on earth I had the opportunity to visit: Wow! What I managed to do for others: Wow!” Read the original blog post..

First of all, it takes two. This so-called ‘perfect relationship’ only works out if both of you pay attention to the following aspects.

Attention. Attention is like oxygen to your relationship. If you don’t get enough, eventually it will cause irrepairable damage. If you give to much of it, you’ll start hyperventilating. Everyone needs a certain amount of confirmation. Some need more, some need less. I am not just talking about physical attention, but also about showing genuine interest in the other person’s day-to-day activities, emotions and overall well-being.

Acceptance. It is vital to accept your partner as he or she is, including his or her flaws and bad habits. However, this should not be mixed up with having no limits whatsoever in what the other person can do to you. It is important to show your limits, and to be clear when something hurts you. After acceptance, which usually stays within your confort zone, comes tolerance, which basically means you start accepting things about your partner that are a bit outside of your comfort zone.

Communication. The ability to express your thoughts, ideas, concerns, and most important… your love it’s crucial. Most relationships fail due to communication errors.

Trust. Trust creates an important foundation for your relationship, as it takes away a large part of the fear to lose someone. It’s not something you create by merely expressing trust. It shows from your behaviour instead. It means you don’t scroll through your partner’s email every second day. It means that if your partner is late from work, you don’t doubt the fact that he or she had a rough day at the office and needed to finish some work. Give eachother space to move freely.

Respect. Expressing respect towards eachother can be extremely uplifting. I’m not just talking about respect for the other person, but also for yourself. By respecting yourself and respecting the other, you create a positive, upwards spiral in which your mutual appreciation grows. Don’t forget; respect needs to be expressed! It is virtually impossible to agree about everything when you share your lives, but respecting your partner’s decisions and opinions when they are different from yours is an important way to showrespect.

Having it all… or maybe not? Many people are looking for a Miss or Mister Right who “has it all”. This expectation might be a little unrealistic. When you feel like you’re looking for someone who “has it all”, first of all think of what “all” means to you. Define what you believe is essential about a partner, and what is less important to you. After determining what you find important about your partner, ask yourself whether you really need all these things in one person. I, for example, love a good discussion about politics. I can have such discussion with my best friend and to be honest, I don’t think I could have a discussion about politics in this particular way with someone else. For that reason, I consider it less important to have similar political discussions with my partner. Surrounding you with a couple of people – a partner, a best friend, a mentor, etc. – who, if you combine them, provide all emotional, intellectual and physical needs you have, makes you less dependant on one particular person.

Love. Needless to say, the only irreplacable part of the foundation of a perfect relationship is love.

What does your perfect relationship look like? Do you already have such a relationship? Share your comment with fellow readers!

photo by p0psicle

Life itsels is already complicated enough by itself, yet a lot of people know countless ways to make it even more complicated. Whenever you feel you are having a hard time, the following five suggestions might help you to make life a bit easier. Some of them can be easily implemented right away, others might take some practise.

1. Do what you like to do most. Whenever you spend a considerable amount of your days on things you don’t like or even hate, something is wrong. Very wrong. Doing things you don’t like affects your emotional state of mind like an unhealthy diet affects your physical well-being.
2. Keep it simple. People very often make situations much more complicated than they actually are. Whenever you feel like you ended up in a complicated situation, try to look at your problem from ‘above’. What do you see? What is the problem that requires a solution? The problem that requires a solution is the only problem relevant. Whatever can’t be solved, is not a problem.
3. Accept things the way they are. Problems that can’t be solved, are usually not problems but facts. A lot of people mix them up, and have an extremely difficult time because they try to fix something that can’t be fixed, solve something that is not a problem or refuse to believe something that is an absolute truth. One warning: A lot of people also easily believe they can’t solve something anyway, despite it being a problem. Don’t give up too easily!
4. Forgive and move on. Lives are being ruined because of hate and anger. I am certainly not telling you that you have to accept everything people do to you, but at some point, hate and anger don’t serve any other purpose than your pride.
5. Be aware. This might be the hardest, yet most important item in this post. Be aware of what is going on around you, be aware of your own role, attitude and thinking process. By simply analyzing the way you handle a difficult situation, you can learn so much about yourself. Being aware about yourself is a big step in the process of living an easier life.

I’m really curious to figure out how you make things easier for yourself once things become difficult. Don’t hesitate to drop a comment!

Image by gundolf

Happy New Year, everyone! A new year and a new decade have begun and in line with the Law of Attraction, I can feel that 2010 is going to be an awesome year. As every year, great things will happen, as well as terrible things will happen in the world. In our personal lives, we will also face some unpleasant moments. Knowing that these moments will be inevitable, you can take some action to strengthen your immune system.

Traditionally, people list one or more new year’s resolutions; things they want to achieve or do in the new year, such as losing weight, quitting smoking, making that trip to a far away land or making a carreer move, for example. But research has shown that those resolutions are often not working out. Personally, I’d go for goals and plans instead!

Work on personal development

Growing yourself by spending time on personal development is likely to help you to deal with difficult situations easier.Knowing who you are, what you stand for, what your weak spots are and how to improve them, bringing stability in your life and live it healthy and consciously will build you the strenght to deal with challenges easier, and to put bad news into perspective.

Your PCP (Personal Crisis Plan)

The PCP is the crisis plan of your personal life, and relates to your inner circle. Companies often analyze their risks and try to prepare for any possible crisis scenario, so why wouldn’t you do that in your own life? Unless you would feel comfortable with it, I would not recommend to write it down, but to run the scenario in your head. Go through possible scenarios in your life; you get dumped by your boy- or girlfriend, a loved one dies, you lose your job, you fall ill. All scenarios no one is looking forward to, but they are likely to happen to all of us at some point in our lives. Look into all possible scenarios you consider relevant in your life and imagine how you would deal with it, and what it actually means. Obviously, there is no way to simulate the feeling of losing a loved one, for example, but it might help you to grow emotionally. Ask yourself that famous question in every scenario: What’s the worst that can happen? What are the consequences? How will it affect me? How can I deal with it?

Important note: Don’t spend too much time thinking about these scenarios. That could make you feel depressed, and that’s the least thing we want, don’t we?

Reduce your news consumption or change your perception

For sure, the year 2010 will bring us bad news on the world stage – your outer circle. Famous people will die, nature disasters will almost inevitably kill many, terrorist will strike and terrible, hidden acts of violence will reach the surface. Not the most optimistic vision of 2010, but realistically we can assume these things will happen – simply because they happen every year. A lot of people feel they have to be updated on the latest news nearly 24/7. If you are like that, you need to know one important thing about journalism: It’s by definition subjective, as journalists only select a small part of all available information to present to you, and bad news is more likely to make it through that selection than good news. Do not use the news to build a complete perception of what the world is like. A lot of good news happens, even as you read this, but it will never come under your attention. Reduce your news consumption if you feel it affects your mood, or pro-actively search for good-news stories!

Important note: I am not recommending you to close your eyes for the bad news that happens in our world, but to open up your eyes and ears to the good things that happen all the time!

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I’m a curious guy. But of all questions I can ask, there is one specific question I often ask to people. It’s a question that sometimes leads to a clear answer, but very often the person I’m asking the question didn’t even think about it. Sometimes, I catch myself not being able to answer: Why do you do what you do?

Sometimes when I talk about personal development to a group of people, to a friend or a relative, I get the question: “Why would I make a conscious effort to aim for my highest potential?”

I gave this a good thought, especially because I like to know what moves people to do or not do certain things. First of all, it is important to know that personal development only works when you are actually willing to experience it and to put effort into it. There are plenty of excuses why you would not aim for your highest potential. If you are happy and satisfied under the current circumstances and feel at ease with yourself, I would still encourage but certainly not urge you to extensively focus on personal development. It simply doesn’t work under pressure.

But if you are open-minded towards bringing yourself to a higher level, conscious personal development – we all develop ourselves unconsciously, all the time – can pay off instantly. By consciously aiming for your highest potential, you will likely find out that you are capable of much more than you thought. You will start turning dreams you’ve never thought could become reality into concrete plans, and achieve goals easier, while enjoying it more. Achieving goals also gives satisfaction and positive energy. And finally, aiming for your highest potential is life isn’t much different from what professional sportsmen and -women do. By trial and error, as well as by training yourself you become better at what you’re doing, making life even easier. Eventually, it is likely to make you a happier person.

Remember you don’t have to reach the top of the ladder right away! Every attempt to do so starts with a first step. Make that step today, no matter how small it is!

Photo by clcochrane

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This blog post is a very personal one. It is my vision, my belief. I am actually writing this blog post from the balcony of my hotel room with ocean view, from where I can hear guitar sounds and singing people on the street as waves hit the shores. Being on holiday made me think about holiday…

In western society, most people only have a couple of weeks a year to enjoy a relaxing holiday, during which they are supposed to recharge physically and emotionally. Disappointment strikes as after a week back in business, the holiday feels like an event long gone. You must have heard the following line, if not from your own mouth: “Uff, back at work just a week and I already feel like I can use another holiday.”

Why is that so? Why is the effect of a holiday so minimal for many people? I gave it a thought, and I think I figured it out: Most people switch off!

You go on holiday, try to think as little as possible about… well, anything. You just try to relax, while keeping your brain clear from thoughts, fully focusing on food and drinks, the beach, the pool side and good-looking people that pass by. You switch of your system, and as soon as you get back to work, you switch it back on… To find yourself in the same state as you were before you shut it down.

I spend my holidays doing the same things as most people do – eating, drinking, sunbathing, swimming, exploring new places… But at the same time, I think. I think a lot! I use my holidays to reflect on my life, to find out what I enjoy and what I’d like to change. I literally look at my daily life from a distance to figure out if I’m still at the right track. I keep notes, scribble down rough ideas that pop up in my mind and organize my thoughts. When I get back and engage in day-to-day routine again, I am not just more energetic because I took a physical rest, I also feel happier, more organized and more focused.

This might work for you as well, or not. All I would like to recommend you is to spend some time consciously thinking about the way you spend your holidays so you can find the most effective way to spend those few precious weeks a year. A more effective holiday can literally change your life forever!

Photo by offnowgirl

In the research for my book, I’ve been reading a lot about the science behind happiness. I especially enjoyed Richard Wiseman’s 59 Seconds; Think A Little, Change A Lot. Partly inspired by the research he quotes from and based on the feedback I got after the previous post Describing Your Best Possible Future, I would like to share with you three more ways to increase your happiness that are backed by scientific research.

Buy experiences instead of goods

According to psychologists Leaf Van Boven and Thomas Gilovich, experiences make people more happy than goods. To verify their hypothesis, they conducted two experiments. In the first experiment, they asked people about an object or experience they had bought in order to improve their happiness, and how effective it had been. The second was to ask one group to think about an object and another group to think about a holiday. They were both then asked to mark their current mood on an 8-point scale.

There was clear proof that those who had thought of experiences instead of possessions were much happier. They believe the reason behind this is that one gets used to objects easily, and that the self-esteem from objects soon disappears. On the other hand, we tend to remember the positive elements in positive experiences, and often forget about the negative aspects that were part of the positive experience (a plane delay, a flat tire, the hang-over the day after).

Give

Research shows over and over again that people who give are significantly happier than those who keep most of what they have for themselves. Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia found that people who got spent their work bonus on others were more happy than those who invested the money in themselves. To proof that giving makes people happy, rather than concluding that happy people simply give more, two groups of randomly selected people were given envelopes with money. One group was asked to spend it on themselves, the other group was asked to spend it on others. Those who spent the money on family and friends were more happy than those who bought luxury goods for themselves. Neuro-scientists have even proven that there is a natural connection in our brain that links giving to happiness!

Change your physical state

Countless scientists have come to the conclusion that changing your physical state or appearance has a significant influence on your performance and emotions. Not only did they ask people to do math tests in various positions (laid-back, sitting up, standing, etc.), they also asked them how they felt while doing it. The conclusions were stunning; those who were asked to sit up or stand performed better, and actually felt better and happier! Your emotions can often be read from your appearance, why not the other way around! So, change your physical state even though you don’t feel well – a good chance you feel much better!

Photo by nosheep

Take a moment today to sit down and briefly describe your best possible future. Imagine everything goes exactly the way you want, realistically. Also make sure it’s brief enough to put it in your pocket or wallet, so you can carry it around.

Researcher Laura King from the Southern Methodist University found out, in a study called The Health Benefits of Writing About Life Goals, that those who described their best possible future ended up significantly happier after three months than people who were asked to do the same with a traumatic experience, or even by just writing down their plans for the day.

Describing your best possible future will not only be likely to make you a happier person, it also challenges you to actually think about what you want your life to look like and makes you consciously thinking about how to achieve that state.

Photo by asifthebes

A friend of mine told me the other day: “I am looking for my passion.” She has no idea what to do in terms of work, and that makes it hard to find a job, not even mentioning how hard it is to find a nice job. It made me think about passion in general – doing something you really love to do. Successful people found their passion, because it was passion for something that made them go further than the others, becoming the #1 in their expertise.

Passion is one of the strongest emotions that drive us. It’s made up of desire to do something, enthusiasm once you are doing it and a great deal of satisfaction once done. You could do it all day long and in case of work, you probably won’t even notice it is actually work you’re doing. It can be life transforming once you know what you really want in life instead of going with the flow.

Your family might recognize your passion

By the time I realized what some of my greatest passions are, I could direct them back to my early childhood years. It was my grandpa used to say that I should become town-crier. Though this profession has become redundant, I have no difficulties seeing the connection with my job as communications manager and my desire to write blogs here on HowToLiveWow.com.

Ask your close relatives when they see you passionate. You can also ask your colleagues, your best friend, an old school teacher… Very often, people around you instantly notice when you go from passive mode to passion mode.

Describe your perfect day

At the age of 25 (hey, that’s me for example), you’ve spent over 9,000 days on planet earth. 9,000 days, and not a single one has been the same. You’ve had good days and bad days. Some memorable, others quite forgettable. But every single day offered you the opportunity to figure out what your Perfect Day looks like. It’s something most people never thought about in the first place: What does your Perfect Day look like? Describe it, hour by hour, maybe even minute by minute. What time do you wake up? Next to whom? What kind of coffee do you drink? Where are you going for work? Are you even going? What’s the weather like? Once you know what your Perfect Day looks like, you can start moving towards it.

What do you want to do for other people?

Nearly every job is about doing something for another person. Whether you work at an airplane manufacturer, where you build something that helps people to get from A to B, or at Starbucks, where you serve people delicious coffee, or in a hospital, where you help making sick people healthy again… You do something for other people! That’s a great starting point to figure out your true passion. Ask yourself what you want to do for other people, rather than asking what job you should hunt for. Very often, you can distillate several job opportunities from the answer to this question.

Sometimes, you just end up in a situation you don’t know how to get out of. You have no idea how to solve a problem. Not a clue what to choose from the available options. What to decide? Where to go? The five questions below can help you to get to a better picture of the situation and often lead to a clue on where to go, helping you to avoid freaking out. Working through these questions can actually ease your mind in a ‘therapeutical’ way.

What am I doing? Ask yourself what it really is you are doing. Take a step back and try to describe for an outsider what your problem is, or what the decision is you are trying to make your mind up. Start by writing “I am currently…”

Why am I doing it? Ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing? Why do you feel bad? Why are you unable to make up your mind? Why are you eager to take a certain step? Try to explain yourself, again as a third person, why you are doing the things you do.

How do I feel about it? It happens to me at a regular basis, and it happens to many people very often. You are facing a certain situation or decision to take, and you instantly have a certain emotion. You feel bad, for example. When asked why, you simply don’t know. Your unconscious mind often already knows the answer and puts you in the corresponding emotional state. Considering that more than 90 percent of your thoughts runs through your unconscious mind, you might want to stick great value to the outcome of that process!

What is the worst that can happen to me? Very often, people are being lead by fear. They are afraid of a gazillion things, while most of these fears are either unrealistic or the odds of those fears becoming reality are small. Did you know that over 90 to 95 percent of an average person’s fear will never become reality? Never in their entire life! In your particular situation, what is the worst that can logically happen to you? And is it really thát bad? There are some good exceptions, but in most situations the worst consequences are often not as bad as you initially believed.

What is the best I can get out of this? This is where a bit of will and creativity comes around the corner. In almost everything you can find a positive dimension. Illness can lead to a more conscious and healthy lifestyle. The loss of a loved one can lead to better awareness and appreciation for life. A lot of happy and successful people came up with their best ideas at times of ultimate despair. If you know in detail what’s the best you can get out of a certain situation, it’s much easier to actually reach out for that!

Note: A friend of me wanted to add two interesting questions. ‘Where am I?’ and ‘Who are all those people?’ Interesting questions, and I might just feature them in a future blog post. Do you have any other questions that help you in virtually any kind of situation? Drop a response right below this blog post!

Photo by zizzy0104

From, practically, the day we are born until the day we die, we are often told and taught that dreams are by definition unrealistic, unachievable flashes of the imaginary world that only exists in our heads. The almighty Wikipedia describes a dream as “images, thoughts and feelings experienced while asleep, particularly strongly associated with rapid eye movement sleep,” and continues to explain that “the contents and biological purposes of dreams are not fully understood.” Dreams are those things we have at night, and those who make their dreams come true are just lucky – in a way we will never be. Or…?

In this HowToLiveWow.com blog post, I’d like to look at the big ideas we have about our lives, to which we also refer as dreams. Think of the things you really want to do, have, feel, give and achieve. Very often, people never turn their dreams into reality. The key reason is often the solid believe that he or she cannot make those dreams come true. One who is sure he or she cannot make a dream come true, either

• is crazy for trying something he or she believes is not possible and then does not make the dream come true;
• is crazy for trying something he or she believes is not possible and does make the dream come true anyway, and thus has little self-confidence, is unrealistically modest or just has bad judgment over his or her capabilities.

We often don’t even start trying to make our dreams come true, because we fear trying and failing. None of the great leaders, successful scientists and brilliant business figures has ever achieved anything great without being confident he or she could do it.

To help yourself making your dreams coming true, you can follow these six steps.

1. Allow yourself to dream. The more clear the picture in your mind is, the easier it is to translate it to the outside world and make your dream come true;
2. Make a decision about your dream. In order to do this you must decide that you are willing to invest in your dream and let go of certain security security and fear;
3. Get into action. Write down what it requires to get from where you are now, to fully realizing your dream. You won’t get anywhere without knowing your starting point, your end destination and the dots you need to connect in between. Which steps do you need to take? Define them. Then take them. Don’t forget – many small steps are easier to take than a few giant leaps;
4. Expect delay and difficulty. You might have not learned what you need to know, or have not grown where you need to grow. Be patient (not to be confused with quitting or giving up) and work on the difficulties meanwhile. Delay is not denial, unless you decide so;
5. Expect to hit a dead end. When you think you hit dead end, you might actually hit the last barrier before reaching your goal. It’s where everyone else stops. Consciously decide that you are not going to let yourself to be stopped by this last barrier. It is the key difference between you and your competitors so far;
6. Recognize the deliverance. It is not the final destination or your goal that has brought you to where you are. It is your desire, and that what you have learned along the way, and the person you have become that has allowed your goal to become reality.

Photo by johnnyberg, post inspired by TimelessLessons.com

Related posts! If you enjoyed this post, you might also want to read;

• How To Pass The Elephant?
• Why Not Now?
• 101 Things I Want To Do In Life